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Many more may be hebephiles, who are exclusively attracted to teenagers, while others may be men who are interested in adults but cross a line by abusing a person who is under 18,” he says. “They have distorted thinking and sometimes convince themselves that they’re teaching the child about sex.” Mary Flaherty is chief executive of the Cari Foundation – also known as Children at Risk in Ireland – which provides therapy for sexually abused children. “In our 22 years of work we have seen victims who have been abused at home by a relative or a babysitter, or who have been abused by a neighbour or family friend,” she says. “One person was abused in a religious setting by a lay teacher.” Families can be torn apart by abuse. A caring mother, for example, might fall out with her abusive brother or partner, but the grandparents could then believe and side with the abuser. In Sophie’s case it was a mother failing to stop her partner from abusing. Sophie says that she has forgiven her mother. James’s brother The Garda interviewed him, told him to obtain psychiatric treatment and stay away from the boys,” the intermediary says. “He stopped coaching basketball and says that he kept a low profile because he knew that he could be prosecuted, but he now wishes they had done so in the 1980s.”

Coming to terms with this and shaping a new debate around child sexual abuse are essential to protecting children. Our current image of child sex abusers in Ireland, and our approach to them, may be putting young people at risk. If we are to keep children safe we may have to gain a new understanding of the problem and make some unpalatable changes to the way we deal with it. Sophie’s story James similarly has confused feelings about his brother. “He is about 14 years older than me and has learning difficulties. He’s a very good-looking man and could function in the real world, but he’s socially awkward and has limited intelligence.” Abusers can appear to be highly functional. They can groom not only families but, sometimes, whole groups of people, gaining a child, family or community’s trust and making the child feel valued and special before sexually assaulting them. Sophie, the abuse survivor who is now a counselling psychologist, says that public attitudes, inflamed by traditional and social media, have hurt her.My mother was neglectful, and my stepfather was always there, so I thought of him as Dad. So even though I walked around with fear, anxiety and shame I still loved him. When he was gone from my life I didn’t know who I was.” It remains deeply discomforting to think that child abusers are like us, are related to us and in many aspects of life appear to be decent people. There is no stereotypical abuser. I consider consensual, age-appropriate sex to be normal and healthy and one of the great pleasures of being human. I’m all for ending sexual repression. However, I don’t believe that pornography is the solution. In fact, I believe it is taking us into its own repression, just as dark and strange as anywhere we’ve already been. It wants to develop medical- and forensic-examination centres in Cork, Dublin and Galway, as well as regional victim assessment and therapy centres. This set a tone for the following decades – but the existence of abuse could not be completely suppressed. Newspapers reported on court cases involving “indecent assault” or “unlawful carnal knowledge” of children.

This dovetailed with another emerging notion: that of stranger danger. The belief that strange men prowled communities, snatching children, gained traction following the disappearance of Philip Cairns, in 1986. Only a minority of sexual abusers are strangers, but media coverage distorted the reality. In 1985 the centre launched an advertising campaign promoting services for people who were survivors of sexual abuse, including incest. That year it received 600 calls related to child sexual abuse. Today Sophie has a difficult message about how we deal with child abuse. Few would disagree with some of her advice. We need to listen to and educate children, she says. We need to create stabler and healthier homes and work on better mental-health awareness and sex education. The Department of Justice's Office for Internet Safety is at internetsafety.ie SEX ABUSE: WHAT WE HAVEN’T LEARNT FROM HISTORY

His brother did send him a written apology. “Was this enough for me? Nothing is enough. Chopping off his arms and legs would not be enough. I have realised that the only way through is acceptance and forgiveness. Not for him but because it is what I need.” Stop It Now! They are seeking power, control, intimacy, revenge, anger or jealousy, and struggling to have their needs met in an appropriate way. We worked with one young lad who was feeling very controlled by his father; his sexual abuse of children was framed around how he was in control now. Other abusers may be angry at being bullied and take it out on younger children – although, of course, most bullying victims never abuse other children.” There was further abuse in Sophie’s family. Her biological father was taken away when she was three because he had sexually abused another sister, Rose, although he never harmed Sophie. We run on a budget of €700,000,” says Mary Flaherty, the chief executive. “An extra €800,000 in funding would allow us to bring our waiting lists down to a much more manageable five or six months. During my teens there was a deep and profound sadness that I couldn’t shake, so I drank a lot and took drugs. I carried self-loathing, humiliation, fear and shame. When I was 18 my mum brought me to a psychiatrist. When I told her what had happened she thought I was confused.

You can report concerns to Tusla, and learn more about how the support process works, at tusla.ie/children-first/ how-do-i-report-abuseNow I have a good relationship with my mum, but during my 20s she seemed to downplay it. I think people need to find the language to talk, at home and in schools, about good and bad intimacy. But even were this solution to be pursued as a policy there would be other obstacles. Few psychologists know how to support sexual offenders or want to take on such difficult work. Funding and infrastructure are also inadequate. But the extent of child sexual abuse began to emerge only in the late 1970s. The case of Noreen Winchester, a Belfast woman who murdered her abusive father – she was jailed but later granted a royal pardon – brought incest to the attention of the media. The first public discussions about child sexual abuse took place in the 1980s. Given the taboo around sex in general, any discussion around the subject was difficult. But people were not unaware of abuse. As early as the 1930s, as Garda commissioner, Eoin O’Duffy revealed harrowing statistics when he testified before a committee on juvenile prostitution. He reported that the force had investigated more 400 cases of sexual abuse of girls between 1924 and 1929.

I was about eight when my brother started coming into my room,” James says. “It began with gentle interference but, over time, became more serious and specific. He told me that if I ever told anyone we would both go to prison. It went on for about three years, until shortly after my dad died. We’ve had around 300 people on the Phoenix programme,” Eileen Finnegan says. “All of them had difficulties around puberty, sex and relationships. We very rarely see paedophiles on the programmes. Most of the abusers we work with are not interested in sexual gratification; they’re interested in grooming a family and a child and exercising power and control.” Rarity of paedophilia Sophie’s mother, herself a victim of abuse, had proven incapable of protecting her children. Rose is a recovering addict.Child sex abusers are around us; we just don’t know it. Eileen Finnegan is clinical director of One in Four and the manager of Phoenix, a treatment programme for sex offenders that the organisation sees as a core part of child protection. We teach our kids to say ‘no’ to cigarettes, why not pornography? Is everyone afraid of looking like a prude? Are parents too embarrassed? Not sure what the problem is, but people are increasingly pro porn. It was the same with cigarettes in their day and it took decades before the tide turned. When it did turn it was due to campaigns by smoke-free celebrities and cultural heroes. The same campaign needs to begin with porn. Where are the sexually liberated men and women with social capital who will stand up for living and loving porn-free? May you please step forward! Kenneally told his therapist that he was attracted to women but didn’t believe he could have a relationship. He felt inadequate and unwanted. “He now recognises that he abused children because he didn’t feel threatened by them,” the intermediary says.